Been Inspired

Been insipired by my many blogging friends. I had to add Sarah McLachlan video here cause she is my all time favorite of all favorite musicians. For some reason I just identify with her and her lyrics. Speaking of which, watched American Idol last night and I'm excited for the upcoming episodes.
I had a great Valentine's Day yesterday. My husband was really cute and got valentine's for each of the kids. I thought it was really sweet of him and something I didn't think of. I usually only think of him on V day. He also got them each candy and doorbell ditched us and left them on the porch. Not much, but for him this was big! He is a sweetie. He also brought me home take out which was nice not to have to cook. I had Will's pictures taken yesterday and that was fun as well, hopefully I didn't ruin them by being in a few of them. I missed my Mom yesterday. She would have brought over cookies. She always made sure we were remembered on Valentine's day. It was a big deal to her. And she would drive all over the valley giving each one of us kids (and our families) some type of treat so that we knew that she remembered us. I miss you Mom! And I love you! Happy Valentine's Day to all my readers as well.
It's snowing here today and somehow seems a bit bleak. Matthew was excited to wear boots to school again today. He loves the snow. When the groundhog predicted that we would have an early spring, he cried! Matthew also lost his other front tooth last night and so now he is toothless in the front. We keep egging him on and making him say things like "susie" and "six". You just have to love kids. They are what keep my going, my sunshine!

Ho hum

It was a rough day yesterday. I attempted to go to church with the baby and he wasn't cooperating. So I left. But before that I heard the news that yet another awesome person has been taken by the awful crappy disease of cancer. A beautiful lady in my ward Elizabeth Peuschel, only 44 years old and a mother of a daughter the same age as my Maren (her obituary http://www.legacy.com/DeseretNews/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=86381032) We were pregnant together and we had talked so much about wanting babies, as I did IVF and she had a miracle conception after many years. I just don't get it sometimes, the plan of it all. This all brought so much up in my mind of my Mom, how much this dreaded disease ravaged her body. How unfair life is. How much I miss my Mom that I can taste it! How I want her back so much! I want this all to just be a nightmare. I drove promptly when I left church to her grave. I just sat there and cried my eyes out. She doesn't have a headstone yet and it just looks so sad, lonely and desolate. I sat there wishing we could just go back and it would all not happen. That we could go back and change so much. How my family is etnerally changed because she is gone. I often times I feel like an orphan. My dad is great, but my mom was the glue. The family just seems so lonely and desolate. Her birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I am dreading that day. That she won't be here and she should!
I find myself lately being so grateful for my eternal marriage. And thinking I need to do more to strengthen that and enjoy the now. Make memories now! Take more picture now, say more I love yous now. Because you just never know what tomorrow brings. Hopefully Dave and I can get the chance to go on some fun vacations this year. It's are goal, because we have always been saving for another IVF or finishing the basement. We need to now enjoy the things that we have saved for. Anyway, that's all that I can write today. There is so much more, but often I find that if I open more than a crack in the door, it will burst wide open. Really grief is the ultimate heartache in life. Loosing a love one is worse than anything I have yet to experience. I know there will be many more loved ones who will go before me along the way. But right now it is more than I can bear missing my sweet Mom.