This is my first attempt at a blog. I have been thinking a lot about doing one lately. Mainly because I have so many feelings that I can't seem to express verbally to people right now. Also in hopes that this helps me remember my feelings and document daily life. A journal of sorts. Also I have to admit, I've always been a good writer and a fast typer! :-)
I've been through a lot lately. My mom was diagnosed with cancer the first week in September and died November 10, 2006 at just 63 years old. This has totally disassembled my life! It has literally rocked my world. Having my mother die was 100 times worse than anything that I had ever imagined. She was one of my best friends, my mentor, my example, the glue to our family. It has been difficult and I feel I have been fumbling with life since then. 2 weeks after this major life event I welcomed my sweet William Craig, my 3rd baby, into our home. And I have to add our 3rd IVF baby. What a miracle they all are! At first I literally thought that they would place little Will in my arms and I would be numb to his exsistence because of the depression I was feeling from my mother's death, but moments after, I realized that I was the luckiest one in my family. To have this beautiful angel from heaven to light my life. And I literally felt that as he looked at me for the first time, he was saying "hey, I'm here to cheer you up, we have been through a lot together". He has been my most enjoyable baby so far and I do feel more confidence with mothering him than I did the others. He just brings such a sense of peace to my life. My favorite moments of the day are spent with him. And especially at night, as I do his last feeding, I am calmed by just he and I sitting in my bed, saying goodnight. Life has been crazy and hectic since November. Much of it seems like a blur, a farce, an overwhelming sense of peace and dread all in one. I'm sure in the coming months, weeks, years I'll be able to write more about my feelings on it all. That's just the opening statements of what is defining my life right now.
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